Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
