D3 body, D1 cock
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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