white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
