I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
