Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
