The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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