Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
We talked him into tasing himself.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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