hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
