i don't like sucking hair
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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