how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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