you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
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