You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
