Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
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