nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
