i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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