If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
