I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I made him laugh his dick is mine
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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