Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize