Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Randomize
