You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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