Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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