somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
