I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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