moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
