That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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