I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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