Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
