I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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