McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
i think my cat just said my name.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
