look no pants
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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