best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
