your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
