And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
