I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
