Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I just found puke in my bra..
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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