no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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