I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
