She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
