So drunk its hurt
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
