I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
