I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Boobs speak an international language.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
