so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
