I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
