how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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