is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
