the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
