he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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