Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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