so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
a search helicopter?!
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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