that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
