the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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