I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
