God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
