Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
