just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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