I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
