I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
