Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
