do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
