and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
