I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
