i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
