he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
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